Well ...I'm back to being in the ranks of the completely non-smoker again. I have fucked up so many times over the last two weeks buying cigarettes, I'm not quite sure what to think about it. I think there must be some certain level of self disgust I have to reach before I finally just throw my hands up and get with the program again, but there is a certain feeling that has to "click" into place before I can get really serious.
It doesn't hurt that I've been making myself sick with it as well.
My last night of indulgence was a bit strange; involving smokes and a 12 pack of beer. The night was actually pretty run of the mill as far as my nights of overindulgence go. I drank, smoked and wrote; 12 pack of beer and 2 packs of cigarettes. My throat hurt like hell the next day and the leftover beer is still untouched in the fridge.
I really kind of like overindulging a bit on both fronts, but I've noticed a few interesting trends. I really can't get drunk these days like I used to be able to; as a matter of fact, when I do the math on how much I drink in the number of hours I take to do it factoring in my body weight and metabolism ...I'm actually just kind of getting a fairly light buzz. The first three slam right down, but then it is most often just one an hour after that ...sometimes even with a glass of water or three mixed in between to boot. Things have changed a LOT since Linda. She was such a nasty drunk, I guess it's not really much wonder I'm a bit turned off by the whole booze thing. That, and after my two year hiatus I have discovered what it is to actually have HANGOVERS! ...maybe it's an age thing.
So anyway ...I'm on day three smokefree again, and the withdrawals are being a pain in the ass. I guess I should have thought of that before I got that first pack dammit, but I'm getting by at least.
I skipped blogging yesterday on AFF, and I'm really trying to think of something decent to throw up there today but not having a great deal of success at it so far. Yesterday I had all sorts of amusing blog ideas dancing through my head, but I got caught up in the business of life; cleaned house, did the laundry ...watched some TV for a change. Probably a bit closer to what I need to be doing more often.
One of these days, I may have to do a bit of a series here about the "real GM" vs the funniness I try to decorate my AFF blog with. Hell, that is just as much a part of me as what I'm writing here, but I find it perhaps ironic that one reading only one or the other would probably have a completely different view of who I am ...kind of like the tale of the 3 blind men and the elephant.
Perhaps I should ask my therapist for a group rate. (that is, if she weren't already dumping me for being too fucking healthy anyway *sob*)
Well, it's time for lunch now, so I guess I should get moving before Dad starts getting cranky!
*sigh*
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
misc complaining ...and puppets too!
I really do love my AFF blog; I sometimes wonder if people realize how much artistic license I take when I write some of the stuff that I do! I seem to recall reading the forward in one of my sci-fi books in which the author was telling his readers "you guys DO know that I don't actually BELIEVE most of the stuff I write, right?!"
Today's post was pretty amusing though; I got a box of my stuff from Randy's and it had 3 or 4 mugs and glasses that didn't belong to me, so I took the opportunity to write about the voluminous box of "stuff" that he probably canvassed the neighborhood looking for useless odds and ends to toss in it.
That just doesn't sound as good though.
The mail was a different matter though; I have to toss a bit of my anger over never being notified by my attorneys or LTD company about not being notified about winning my case. I guess I should be upset that Annette didn't merely write "please forward" on the letters, and stick them back in the mailbox though. I find it a bit ironic that the (online) bank said it would be late next week for my fund transfer, and yet after inputting it later on Friday, today (Sunday) it's already processing and I can't cancel it now.
Stranger still, Annette said I had a call on Friday from Social Security requesting my Birth Certificate, yet I already got it BACK in the mail from them on Wednesday! ...hard to believe that a government agency could get that confused; especially seeing as how I did the whole "change of address" with them, and took Randy's number off it; what the hell were they doing calling there in the first place?! I wouldn't doubt the attorneys may have done the same thing ...even though I told them to use my cell as the primary contact number I never bothered calling them with the change of address. I think I shall wait until after the holiday before I start trying to unravel things though.
And on a lighter note; a friend sent me this link, and I think it's just a bit TOO funny! lol!
Today's post was pretty amusing though; I got a box of my stuff from Randy's and it had 3 or 4 mugs and glasses that didn't belong to me, so I took the opportunity to write about the voluminous box of "stuff" that he probably canvassed the neighborhood looking for useless odds and ends to toss in it.
That just doesn't sound as good though.
The mail was a different matter though; I have to toss a bit of my anger over never being notified by my attorneys or LTD company about not being notified about winning my case. I guess I should be upset that Annette didn't merely write "please forward" on the letters, and stick them back in the mailbox though. I find it a bit ironic that the (online) bank said it would be late next week for my fund transfer, and yet after inputting it later on Friday, today (Sunday) it's already processing and I can't cancel it now.
Stranger still, Annette said I had a call on Friday from Social Security requesting my Birth Certificate, yet I already got it BACK in the mail from them on Wednesday! ...hard to believe that a government agency could get that confused; especially seeing as how I did the whole "change of address" with them, and took Randy's number off it; what the hell were they doing calling there in the first place?! I wouldn't doubt the attorneys may have done the same thing ...even though I told them to use my cell as the primary contact number I never bothered calling them with the change of address. I think I shall wait until after the holiday before I start trying to unravel things though.
And on a lighter note; a friend sent me this link, and I think it's just a bit TOO funny! lol!
Friday, August 22, 2008
Fuck-you Friday blahs
Ah Fridays!
I slept in a little bit this morning ...actually, I can't recall "sleeping in" like this without extreme overindulgence with alcohol or final exams being involved in quite some time! Sometimes I think my little mutt would let me stay in bed all day long if he didn't haven't to go do his business at some point. It happened to be nearly eleven before nature finally called him though, and I finally dragged my ass up and out.
So reports of a Boris Karloff-ish looking zombie roaming my neighborhood with a little dog are not to be believed; it was just me.
I'm something of a fiend for my morning coffee, but on days like this I don't even bother with it. The landscapers are hard at work outside since the rain appears to have let up a bit, and Zeke seems somewhat satiated at least.
I finally got around to getting that silly 11 grand moved out of my checking account for the time being this morning. I fucking HATE having that much money staring me in the face every time I open my bank account ...especially knowing I can't touch a penny of it, so at least I moved it somewhere that I can at least get the benefit of the interest until my LTD insurance wises up and asks for it. Under ordinary circumstances, I might have actually called THEM about it ...but given the crack team of attorneys and their (Aetna's) outstanding customer care with me ...I just don't feel much of a sense of graciousness where they are concerned for some odd reason.
Every time I try to blog about the whole situation, I just get too worked up. I'll leave it alone until I feel a bit better about it I guess. I was talking to my two brother's about it last night, and telling them how the amount of money sitting there just seemed to be screaming "FUCK YOU" at me the whole time. When I was talking to Seb about it yesterday, it occurred to me that SOME of that money may actually be mine ...perhaps as much as a third of it even. I think I'll just bury my head in the sand for a while though, collect a bit of interest, and deal with it when the time comes.
I admit that it's a bit weird that my attorneys never notified me of my "victory" in the case. It's enough to make me wonder if they even KNOW, or if I just slipped through a crack some way or another (entirely likely); I heard about it via the judge, then whammo ...huge paycheck hits the bank without so much as a call or letter asking what to do with it. Hell, I don't even know how they arrived at the amount; it should have been a bit higher unless the attorney fee's were deducted from it ...which also seems unlikely since the attorneys are SUPPOSED to be paid for by the LTD company rather than pro-bono. I guess I should put a call into Social Security, but I just don't feel like messing with them this week/rest-of-the-month.
It's a nice thought if it were mine; it's more than enough to have me totally debt-free, which is a very nice thought indeed!
One can dream.
blah
I slept in a little bit this morning ...actually, I can't recall "sleeping in" like this without extreme overindulgence with alcohol or final exams being involved in quite some time! Sometimes I think my little mutt would let me stay in bed all day long if he didn't haven't to go do his business at some point. It happened to be nearly eleven before nature finally called him though, and I finally dragged my ass up and out.
So reports of a Boris Karloff-ish looking zombie roaming my neighborhood with a little dog are not to be believed; it was just me.
I'm something of a fiend for my morning coffee, but on days like this I don't even bother with it. The landscapers are hard at work outside since the rain appears to have let up a bit, and Zeke seems somewhat satiated at least.
I finally got around to getting that silly 11 grand moved out of my checking account for the time being this morning. I fucking HATE having that much money staring me in the face every time I open my bank account ...especially knowing I can't touch a penny of it, so at least I moved it somewhere that I can at least get the benefit of the interest until my LTD insurance wises up and asks for it. Under ordinary circumstances, I might have actually called THEM about it ...but given the crack team of attorneys and their (Aetna's) outstanding customer care with me ...I just don't feel much of a sense of graciousness where they are concerned for some odd reason.
Every time I try to blog about the whole situation, I just get too worked up. I'll leave it alone until I feel a bit better about it I guess. I was talking to my two brother's about it last night, and telling them how the amount of money sitting there just seemed to be screaming "FUCK YOU" at me the whole time. When I was talking to Seb about it yesterday, it occurred to me that SOME of that money may actually be mine ...perhaps as much as a third of it even. I think I'll just bury my head in the sand for a while though, collect a bit of interest, and deal with it when the time comes.
I admit that it's a bit weird that my attorneys never notified me of my "victory" in the case. It's enough to make me wonder if they even KNOW, or if I just slipped through a crack some way or another (entirely likely); I heard about it via the judge, then whammo ...huge paycheck hits the bank without so much as a call or letter asking what to do with it. Hell, I don't even know how they arrived at the amount; it should have been a bit higher unless the attorney fee's were deducted from it ...which also seems unlikely since the attorneys are SUPPOSED to be paid for by the LTD company rather than pro-bono. I guess I should put a call into Social Security, but I just don't feel like messing with them this week/rest-of-the-month.
It's a nice thought if it were mine; it's more than enough to have me totally debt-free, which is a very nice thought indeed!
One can dream.
blah
Friday, August 15, 2008
Bigfoot Found!!!
This is just TOO awesome!
My personal fave was this one though:
ATLANTA - A hairy corpse crammed in a Georgia freezer is Bigfoot, say two men who have been tracking the legendary creature, when they aren't busy looking for leprechauns and the Loch Ness monster.Matt Whitton and Rick Dyer say they stumbled across the corpse in the woods of north Georgia, across the country from the remote regions of the Northwest where people usually claim to see the man-ape.
Still, the Georgia men say DNA will prove once and for all that the frozen creature is Sasquatch. They plan to present DNA test results and photographs during a news conference Friday in Palo Alto, Calif.
Skeptics say it's just another Bigfoot hoax.
"What I've seen so far is not compelling in the least, and I think the pictures cast grave doubts on their claim," Jeffery Meldrum, a Bigfoot researcher and Idaho State University professor, told the Scientific American. "It just looks like a costume with some fake guts thrown on top for effect."
Meldrum said the DNA test likely won't prove anything and, at best, might yield a gene sequence that doesn't match any other known primates.
Whitton, an officer on medical leave from the Clayton County Police Department, and Dyer, a former corrections officer, announced the discovery in early July on YouTube videos and their Web site http://www.bigfoottracker.com. The site on Friday would not load.
The picture they sent out in a press release and on their Web site shows what appears to be a hairy corpse crammed into a chest freezer. The accompanying announcement describes the creature as a 7-foot-7 male, weighing 550 pounds with 16-inch human-like feet and reddish hair.
Efforts to reach Whitton and Dyer early Friday on their Bigfoot Tipline were unsuccessful. The voice mail recording says they have expanded their search to look for leprechauns and the Loch Ness monster. They also offer weekend expeditions to search for Bigfoot in the north Georgia mountains for $499.
In August, Tom Biscardi, head of a group called Searching for Bigfoot, joined the men.
Other Bigfoot hunters call Biscardi a huckster, a Las Vegas promoter and a scam artist looking for media attention he's gained since he began his search for Bigfoot three to four years ago. He released a photograph and announced the news conference earlier this week, drawing national attention.
Whitton and Dyer promise to tell the story of how they found the corpse at the news conference. They have offered three different tales so far:
- In early videos, the animal was shot by a former felon, and the men followed it into the woods.
- In a second version, they found a "family of Bigfoot" in North Georgia mountains.
- In the third, the two were hiking and stumbled upon the corpse with open wounds.
U.S. Fish and Wildlife Reserve spokesman Tom Mackenzie said officers also are not taking the claim seriously and will not investigate Bigfoot because it is not a federal priority.
"It's not on endangered species on any list that we've got," Mackenzie said.
An anonymous letter to the agency in July said the creature is "the remains of a small gorilla or chimpanzee that may have undergone some taxidermy treatment."
Whitton, who also goes by the name Gary Parker, has been on medical leave from the Clayton County Police Department since July 3 after he was shot in the wrist. Police spokeswoman Sonja Sanchez said the department has been fielding many media inquiries because of Whitton's claims, but she doesn't know much else.
"Right now that is just what they are — claims," Sanchez said Friday.
I think even better than the story are some of the reader feedback on Newsvine! Leave it to a story like this to bring out some of the nutballs...
Some of my favorites:
Now I see how the democrats continue to have a party, people actually enjoy and play along with "scam" artists. Vegas and wax museums. Here we are now entertain us. So while people are dying in serious matters you act like you care in the name of evolution and an apes inherited genetic, and this is the freedom in which you actually think America stands for.
Once again proof that people care moe about the sanctity of animals and mythological stories rather than the actual truth. No wonder so many do not beleive Jesus is God The Father, they beleive all the fiction and ignore the consequence of the obvious.
and runner up for "Most charitable Christian attitude" goes to:
1st of all who are we to say Bigfoot doesnt exsist. We have no clue how many animals GOD created. I think time will tell but if those boys are playing a joke I think there should be charges on them but lets say for 1 second that BIg foot is real and i saw him in the woods, dead I would probably figure out some way to make sure I had a claim on him so I could reep the benefits and the $$$$$ of being the 1st to have found 1, then I would be on every TV show there is WITH the body.... Thats what bothers me most they should reveal the body. If it was alive being a fomer Marine I wouldnt be too scared and would try to make contact with it and get some good footage then I would buy all the land around there and sell tickets to the area for sightings... THIS IS AMERICA I WOULD MAKE THE BUCKS BABY!!!!!
My personal fave was this one though:
I'd measure his schlong; to put to rest once and for all the myth about males with 'big feet.'
What really shocked me were how many people were taking it seriously. What saddened me were how many more were already counting the bucks they could make if it were them.
I guess I'm just wired differently than most.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
brand new day
Whilst I'm trying to think of something funny to write for AFF...
Lol ...I generally avoid blogs with poetry in them like they had the plague; the ones who quote song lyrics are almost as bad, but as a general rule, I avoid both.
Yesterday though ...fuck all if I didn't have ee cummings stuck in my head!
Of course, if I'm going to quote a poem like I did in my previous post ...I'll be goddamed if I'm going to quote cummings or someone well-known in his entirety; I'll pick the most obscure fucker I can think of! (revenge on the "norm" at least) I do have to admit that "how to hump a cows" is much more my speed though...
Dad is doing well so far ...yesterday he sure seemed a bit more like he had in the past. Goodness knows the last two weeks have sure been bad ones for him. I'm tickled with the welcome change though. Mom asked me if I was ready for a "Dad vacation" yet after all the time I've spent here so far. I just told her if it kept up like the previous two weeks regularly, then that might be the case ...but times like this week (and most "normal" ones), he didn't bother me in the least.
Mom said something that just about knocked me out of my chair this morning as she was getting ready to go to work, and I told her to TRY to have fun. She remarked that if she felt in the slightest bored, once she made it to the 4th floor, all of that would change in a hurry.
I shot back that what the heck was it that just because they gave you a paycheck every month, that they actually expected you to fix that sort of thing?!
Mom laughed and said that her main job description was to make her boss laugh. Every morning she stops by her office and tells a story or makes a comment that will get her boss laughing; she said as long as she can still keep doing THAT, then she figures her job will be safe against whatever.
That's my Mom! lol!
I haven't had a cigarette since Saturday ...but I still want one so fucking bad it hurts. No huge shock that my dizziness is way off the charts; Mom even remarked how bad I seemed (and she NEVER does that). Damned meds won't even touch this though ...so I guess I'm just miserable for a while.
crapola!
Lol ...I generally avoid blogs with poetry in them like they had the plague; the ones who quote song lyrics are almost as bad, but as a general rule, I avoid both.
Yesterday though ...fuck all if I didn't have ee cummings stuck in my head!
to multiply because and why(over and over and over, just like a damned song will get stuck at times)
dividing then from now
and adding and (i understand)
is hows to hump a cows
Of course, if I'm going to quote a poem like I did in my previous post ...I'll be goddamed if I'm going to quote cummings or someone well-known in his entirety; I'll pick the most obscure fucker I can think of! (revenge on the "norm" at least) I do have to admit that "how to hump a cows" is much more my speed though...
Dad is doing well so far ...yesterday he sure seemed a bit more like he had in the past. Goodness knows the last two weeks have sure been bad ones for him. I'm tickled with the welcome change though. Mom asked me if I was ready for a "Dad vacation" yet after all the time I've spent here so far. I just told her if it kept up like the previous two weeks regularly, then that might be the case ...but times like this week (and most "normal" ones), he didn't bother me in the least.
Mom said something that just about knocked me out of my chair this morning as she was getting ready to go to work, and I told her to TRY to have fun. She remarked that if she felt in the slightest bored, once she made it to the 4th floor, all of that would change in a hurry.
I shot back that what the heck was it that just because they gave you a paycheck every month, that they actually expected you to fix that sort of thing?!
Mom laughed and said that her main job description was to make her boss laugh. Every morning she stops by her office and tells a story or makes a comment that will get her boss laughing; she said as long as she can still keep doing THAT, then she figures her job will be safe against whatever.
That's my Mom! lol!
I haven't had a cigarette since Saturday ...but I still want one so fucking bad it hurts. No huge shock that my dizziness is way off the charts; Mom even remarked how bad I seemed (and she NEVER does that). Damned meds won't even touch this though ...so I guess I'm just miserable for a while.
crapola!
just cuz I said I never would!
For all our days of living blue
ignoring ways the heartache grew
we ventured gave and lost anew
yet still it seems astounding
When all we wish is touch of bliss
the smell of past will sound amiss
the sight of truth so tastes of piss
we trick ourselves to trusting
Ignoring help the godless sends
awaiting crime despairing mends
the last past time that present rends
to pieces neverlasting
While other ways we flaunt our dreams
in spite of all our thought it seems
no matter what the heart may scream
the silence is exhausting
-Reyd Valort
Monday, August 11, 2008
befuddled spam
I hate it when I get spam that just confuses the shit out of me. I just got this one, and I'm pretty mystified.
subject line: What were you thinking about just now, Nicholas.
message body:
Okay ...I KNOW it's spam! ...the "to" field wasn't even me. Spammers are really good about using one name in the "to" and a zillion others in the CC ...this helps it slip by spam filters. There weren't any pictures or attachments ...just two seemingly unrelated book quotes.
godammit!!!
I'm also just enough of a freakin' nerd to sit and burn up my few remaining brain cells pondering just what the hell "War and Peace" has to do with "Mansfield Park" yet not quite dumb enough to reply to it and ask either. I've run searches on the e-mail handles and the quotes ...but the only thing I've come up with is that I'm entirely too OCD about this particular e-mail.
Has anyone out there ever heard of this kind of thing before?
subject line: What were you thinking about just now, Nicholas.
message body:
But I have long thought Mr. Bertram one of the worst subjects to work on, in any little manoeuvre against common sense, that a woman could be plagued with. I had very little hope of him from the first, but you, Mrs. Grant, my sister, my own sister, I think I had a right to alarm you a little.
Do not flatter yourself, my dearest Mary.
Okay ...I KNOW it's spam! ...the "to" field wasn't even me. Spammers are really good about using one name in the "to" and a zillion others in the CC ...this helps it slip by spam filters. There weren't any pictures or attachments ...just two seemingly unrelated book quotes.
godammit!!!
I'm also just enough of a freakin' nerd to sit and burn up my few remaining brain cells pondering just what the hell "War and Peace" has to do with "Mansfield Park" yet not quite dumb enough to reply to it and ask either. I've run searches on the e-mail handles and the quotes ...but the only thing I've come up with is that I'm entirely too OCD about this particular e-mail.
Has anyone out there ever heard of this kind of thing before?
Saturday, August 9, 2008
100 ...and sighs matters
*sigh*
Another Saturday night. I managed to consume a bit too much beer last night once again, and even managed to not only fall off the wagon with my quitting smoking ...but rather LEAPT off it into a huge abyss!
I had really thought about going to buy some more beer tonight, but I think I'm just going to quietly smoke the last of this stinking pack and try to be done with it again.
I'm more than a little bit pissed with myself.
So I wrote my 100th post on AFF today. I had really been trying to come up with a list of "things you don't know about me" but can't get past 8 (it really brought home some of my "trust issues" where TMI is concerned as well). My dark mood probably contributed more than a little bit to the post that I wrote. What irks me a bit was that I took a nap, and when I came back to it to see what kind of comments I had ...there was only Laura (sob) and SHE left it right after I wrote it. As I re-read it, I realized that I had come across as pretty prick-ish, so I did a bit of an edit that was a little more in line with the real me without a hangover. MUCH better ...but I noticed a great deal of my watchers had passed by the original without comment.
*another sigh*
c'est la vie I guess; I guess will see if anyone takes pity on me, or re-reads the edited version. I don't think even the pre-edit version was THAT bad, but the silence makes me wonder. I hate it when I have insecurities flare up like this though. *sigh* I've grown a bit TOO accustomed to being the attention whore there ...I DO so love my comments. I guess I'm a bit of a hypocrite with that; I just really have to feel like I'm leaving something memorable in order to leave a comment on other peoples blogs. Gratuitous comments aren't my bag, but I somehow love them from others! ...paradoxical, I know!
So this really hasn't been a sterling week for me. Dad's exceptionally bad days this week have me a little bummed ...the date didn't go so hot on Thursday, I had a troubling new symptom pop up for the first time ...and now the cigarettes. I couldn't even get my ass out of the house to do my grocery shopping today, although I'll probably prefer to do it in the morning anyway so I won't beat myself up about it.
So I may well take a bit of down time for a couple of days. I figure tomorrow I may want to drug myself out if the cravings hit too hard. I think for tonight, I'm going to throw a frozen pizza in the oven and veg out with a few movies though. I'm fairly sure that when I get up in the morning, and it will be a brand new day (probably even a brand new week, but we can't be too sure about those kinds of things).
Another Saturday night. I managed to consume a bit too much beer last night once again, and even managed to not only fall off the wagon with my quitting smoking ...but rather LEAPT off it into a huge abyss!
I had really thought about going to buy some more beer tonight, but I think I'm just going to quietly smoke the last of this stinking pack and try to be done with it again.
I'm more than a little bit pissed with myself.
So I wrote my 100th post on AFF today. I had really been trying to come up with a list of "things you don't know about me" but can't get past 8 (it really brought home some of my "trust issues" where TMI is concerned as well). My dark mood probably contributed more than a little bit to the post that I wrote. What irks me a bit was that I took a nap, and when I came back to it to see what kind of comments I had ...there was only Laura (sob) and SHE left it right after I wrote it. As I re-read it, I realized that I had come across as pretty prick-ish, so I did a bit of an edit that was a little more in line with the real me without a hangover. MUCH better ...but I noticed a great deal of my watchers had passed by the original without comment.
*another sigh*
c'est la vie I guess; I guess will see if anyone takes pity on me, or re-reads the edited version. I don't think even the pre-edit version was THAT bad, but the silence makes me wonder. I hate it when I have insecurities flare up like this though. *sigh* I've grown a bit TOO accustomed to being the attention whore there ...I DO so love my comments. I guess I'm a bit of a hypocrite with that; I just really have to feel like I'm leaving something memorable in order to leave a comment on other peoples blogs. Gratuitous comments aren't my bag, but I somehow love them from others! ...paradoxical, I know!
So this really hasn't been a sterling week for me. Dad's exceptionally bad days this week have me a little bummed ...the date didn't go so hot on Thursday, I had a troubling new symptom pop up for the first time ...and now the cigarettes. I couldn't even get my ass out of the house to do my grocery shopping today, although I'll probably prefer to do it in the morning anyway so I won't beat myself up about it.
So I may well take a bit of down time for a couple of days. I figure tomorrow I may want to drug myself out if the cravings hit too hard. I think for tonight, I'm going to throw a frozen pizza in the oven and veg out with a few movies though. I'm fairly sure that when I get up in the morning, and it will be a brand new day (probably even a brand new week, but we can't be too sure about those kinds of things).
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Paris for President
This really is pretty awesome!
I really can't stand the chick, but this moved her up about 12 notches in my eyes I think!
See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die
I really can't stand the chick, but this moved her up about 12 notches in my eyes I think!
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Tuesday bitchings & snickerings
Well, here it is Tuesday already and I'm sitting with Pop at their place. He's sure going downhill a little bit quicker now; Mom and I had an interesting talk about it this morning. Dad had a pretty bad day last week ...much more belligerent than usual and his confusion about certain things were much more pronounced.
Mom wrote an e-mail about it to my other sibs, and I was a bit upset at the responses so I just bit my lip. This morning Mom mentioned that her initial reaction wasn't that far off mine. The other sibs seem just a BIT eager to toss Dad in a nursing home was my original thought, and I didn't care for it a lot. Fuck ...I'm the only one who actually spends the TIME with Dad ...the others provide financial help that I'm not able to do, but we ALL do our part. *Sigh* ...we just finished lunch and Dad asked if "the help" got plenty to eat (would that be Zeke or myself?). This is certainly not being one of his better days today either.
Mom said she actually was perhaps a bit grateful once she shifted the track of her mind though, and when she said it ...I had to grudgingly go along with it. We need to start thinking about it eventually, because it will likely come way too fast in any event. *sigh*
Other things to write about later (but I'm just too tired tonight). I finally bit the bullet and did my stimulus package return (dammit); I really was cutting it to the wire on my car insurance. The whole thing will go to insurance and one of my credit cards ...some "stimulus" huh?!
Oh ...and the comedy in the comments section at AFF. I had another really great exchange today concerning a gal in disbelief that the pictures a guy sent of himself were 30 years old, and then he had the nerve to say he still looked like that, only 30 years older. Apparently he was even serious.
Well, not being someone to let something like that slip by, while everyone was saying "Wow ...what a psycho" and such ...I was lauding it as being an INCREDIBLE idea!!! ...I even took it a bit further, saying that I thought *I* would use baby pictures (if you are going to go with the 30 year old stuff, then why not go for broke with 40 year old pics?) ...I mean, chicks DIG babies!
The gal obviously caught that I was kidding, and bantered back about having a mustache ...to which I told her I had photoshop for those little details. Then I even found an old baby picture and photoshopped a mustache on me! lol ...Keeps it fun!
I also sent the ex my doggie coprophilia post ...I figure Linda will howl over that one!
Mom wrote an e-mail about it to my other sibs, and I was a bit upset at the responses so I just bit my lip. This morning Mom mentioned that her initial reaction wasn't that far off mine. The other sibs seem just a BIT eager to toss Dad in a nursing home was my original thought, and I didn't care for it a lot. Fuck ...I'm the only one who actually spends the TIME with Dad ...the others provide financial help that I'm not able to do, but we ALL do our part. *Sigh* ...we just finished lunch and Dad asked if "the help" got plenty to eat (would that be Zeke or myself?). This is certainly not being one of his better days today either.
Mom said she actually was perhaps a bit grateful once she shifted the track of her mind though, and when she said it ...I had to grudgingly go along with it. We need to start thinking about it eventually, because it will likely come way too fast in any event. *sigh*
Other things to write about later (but I'm just too tired tonight). I finally bit the bullet and did my stimulus package return (dammit); I really was cutting it to the wire on my car insurance. The whole thing will go to insurance and one of my credit cards ...some "stimulus" huh?!
Oh ...and the comedy in the comments section at AFF. I had another really great exchange today concerning a gal in disbelief that the pictures a guy sent of himself were 30 years old, and then he had the nerve to say he still looked like that, only 30 years older. Apparently he was even serious.
Well, not being someone to let something like that slip by, while everyone was saying "Wow ...what a psycho" and such ...I was lauding it as being an INCREDIBLE idea!!! ...I even took it a bit further, saying that I thought *I* would use baby pictures (if you are going to go with the 30 year old stuff, then why not go for broke with 40 year old pics?) ...I mean, chicks DIG babies!
The gal obviously caught that I was kidding, and bantered back about having a mustache ...to which I told her I had photoshop for those little details. Then I even found an old baby picture and photoshopped a mustache on me! lol ...Keeps it fun!
I also sent the ex my doggie coprophilia post ...I figure Linda will howl over that one!
Monday, August 4, 2008
I will Survive
Woo-hoo! ...I'm up to 41 watchers today! ...I think this puts me right back to where I was before my "hiatus" in February.
One of the downsides of having a mind like a train that had a serious shortage of track is that I think I sometimes have a propensity to flit off one direction and kinda "expect" someone to know where my mind is at. People watching me in a room with my family must get somewhat freaked out ...it doesn't matter how bizarre the tangent is that one of our minds takes; the rest of us seem to always know EXACTLY where and how we got there! I think it must be some bizarre form of genetic telepathy or something. I've seen people really freak over it!
So speaking of bizarre derailments of trains of thought; I ran across a blog the other day, and a woman was quoting the song lyrics for Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive."
I've just never been able to see the song the same way since I ran across this on the web; I almost couldn't stop laughing! I must share it with you!
Since AFF won't let us post outside links, I suggested she go to youtube and look up "I will Survive" and "Jesus" ...I told her if she could watch it and stay in her seat, I'd buy her a cookie!
...I guess that was a stupid thing to do to anyone who had never had any contact with me. I guess a lot of people may not know the last time I was serious about something would have been around the mid 90's.
This was the response I received:
...and I read this with a quizzical "WTF?!" look on my face. ...Hell, I even looked at her "religion" preference before I dropped the note to begin with. I'm starting to reach the conclusion that people who put "prefer not to say" under religion may well be the MOST religious of all, but just have the most guilt for being on a hookup site or something...
And of course, it would be too much to ask to look at MY profile before saying the "change my mind" business (am I starting to sound like a chick yet?!). I guess without any sort of qualifying remark, or at least a "laughy" emoticon, I shouldn't expect much from them though.
I wonder if this is one of the reasons I avoid blogs that have either poetry or song lyrics making up roughly 90% of the content. These people tend to be the ones with the most serious problems with their sense of humor.
yay ...I just got a 42nd watcher! ...and now I need to go eat!
One of the downsides of having a mind like a train that had a serious shortage of track is that I think I sometimes have a propensity to flit off one direction and kinda "expect" someone to know where my mind is at. People watching me in a room with my family must get somewhat freaked out ...it doesn't matter how bizarre the tangent is that one of our minds takes; the rest of us seem to always know EXACTLY where and how we got there! I think it must be some bizarre form of genetic telepathy or something. I've seen people really freak over it!
So speaking of bizarre derailments of trains of thought; I ran across a blog the other day, and a woman was quoting the song lyrics for Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive."
I've just never been able to see the song the same way since I ran across this on the web; I almost couldn't stop laughing! I must share it with you!
Since AFF won't let us post outside links, I suggested she go to youtube and look up "I will Survive" and "Jesus" ...I told her if she could watch it and stay in her seat, I'd buy her a cookie!
...I guess that was a stupid thing to do to anyone who had never had any contact with me. I guess a lot of people may not know the last time I was serious about something would have been around the mid 90's.
This was the response I received:
I am not much for videos. I used to be when I was younger, however now it's if I like it I do, if I don't I don't. The video will not change my mind on the song.
...and I read this with a quizzical "WTF?!" look on my face. ...Hell, I even looked at her "religion" preference before I dropped the note to begin with. I'm starting to reach the conclusion that people who put "prefer not to say" under religion may well be the MOST religious of all, but just have the most guilt for being on a hookup site or something...
And of course, it would be too much to ask to look at MY profile before saying the "change my mind" business (am I starting to sound like a chick yet?!). I guess without any sort of qualifying remark, or at least a "laughy" emoticon, I shouldn't expect much from them though.
I wonder if this is one of the reasons I avoid blogs that have either poetry or song lyrics making up roughly 90% of the content. These people tend to be the ones with the most serious problems with their sense of humor.
yay ...I just got a 42nd watcher! ...and now I need to go eat!
Sunday, August 3, 2008
ah, popularity!
Who would have thought it on AFF?
Well, my readership has taken quite a jump; 9 new watchers in a week and I've been pimped twice (once yesterday by somebody I don't even KNOW). I'm not sure what's up with the pimp by a dude I've never even heard of; apparently I'm #1 on some kind of list for "blogs to watch" or something. Does AFF give whole new definition to being an "Up and Comer" you think?
I was just looking at some of my trends though, and I see something that disturbs me a little bit. The three blogs this week that have had the absolute most traffic have been about Obama, tricycle riding transsexuals in superman outfits, and dog poop. I shudder, but the dog poop blog is rising quickly ...we'll see what tomorrow brings. I may have a hard time topping that one though.
My movie for the day was "Shadow of the Vampire" ...I had forgotten how wild that movie was! Willem Dafoe as the vampire was just a bit too funny; his expressions sometimes had me cracking up too much to remember it was supposed to be scary (well, I say that ...but I don't think they took themselves too seriously in it). Wild movie!
I still can't believe that I did "Thank you for Smoking" with Mom two weeks ago ...odder still was that I think she really kinda liked it despite it being pretty raunchy! (She really does amaze me at times).
Last week was "Kiss the Girls" and this week will be "Along came a Spider." Mom loves the Patterson books and enjoyed the "Kiss the Girls" ...we'll see about "Spider." I think some of the next ups will be "The Last Castle" "Hook" "Cinderella Man" ...and maybe even "The Kingdom." We've both surely been enjoying our Wednesday movie nights though.
One other note; Karma from the earlier blog this morning sent me a "hug" today (interesting timing, huh?) ...outside of a response to a comment; that's the only interaction we've ever had, so I dropped her a PM. I kinda suspect I'll hear back from her via that or on my blog! I'm slightly disappointed that she deleted the greater part of her profile, but I guess it's understandable given her circumstances. *sigh*
okay, well I'm off to bed.
Well, my readership has taken quite a jump; 9 new watchers in a week and I've been pimped twice (once yesterday by somebody I don't even KNOW). I'm not sure what's up with the pimp by a dude I've never even heard of; apparently I'm #1 on some kind of list for "blogs to watch" or something. Does AFF give whole new definition to being an "Up and Comer" you think?
I was just looking at some of my trends though, and I see something that disturbs me a little bit. The three blogs this week that have had the absolute most traffic have been about Obama, tricycle riding transsexuals in superman outfits, and dog poop. I shudder, but the dog poop blog is rising quickly ...we'll see what tomorrow brings. I may have a hard time topping that one though.
My movie for the day was "Shadow of the Vampire" ...I had forgotten how wild that movie was! Willem Dafoe as the vampire was just a bit too funny; his expressions sometimes had me cracking up too much to remember it was supposed to be scary (well, I say that ...but I don't think they took themselves too seriously in it). Wild movie!
I still can't believe that I did "Thank you for Smoking" with Mom two weeks ago ...odder still was that I think she really kinda liked it despite it being pretty raunchy! (She really does amaze me at times).
Last week was "Kiss the Girls" and this week will be "Along came a Spider." Mom loves the Patterson books and enjoyed the "Kiss the Girls" ...we'll see about "Spider." I think some of the next ups will be "The Last Castle" "Hook" "Cinderella Man" ...and maybe even "The Kingdom." We've both surely been enjoying our Wednesday movie nights though.
One other note; Karma from the earlier blog this morning sent me a "hug" today (interesting timing, huh?) ...outside of a response to a comment; that's the only interaction we've ever had, so I dropped her a PM. I kinda suspect I'll hear back from her via that or on my blog! I'm slightly disappointed that she deleted the greater part of her profile, but I guess it's understandable given her circumstances. *sigh*
okay, well I'm off to bed.
inequality of respect
From one of my local blogging friends:
So I have been promising this post for a while, and to those of you I promised it to, I apologize for it taking so long. If you've noticed there hasn't been too many posts written "from my own pen" lately, but it's been really tough to come up with a complete thought these days.
Last I posted about my son, we were headed to Florida for a treatment. I will start off there.
We headed to Florida and received 2 weeks worth of treatments before our insurance ran out. We decided we wanted to finance but we had to pay a percentage in down payment. Unfortunately we didn't have the money for the down payment. In talking to Softcurves, she belongs to the same sub-culture as I, and she suggested I talk to my pastor. I did and they were able to help, but only very little and not enough. So the kids and I decided to pack up and go. This was on a Friday. We waited until Monday but on Monday morning as I was getting ready to go, the hospital called me down, "emergency." I went and what did I find? A true blessing.
Now I don't show my "religious" side on here because I always believe there is a time a place for everything, but this served to further confirm my convictions and I choose to believe this is a true blessing direct from the God. If you do not agree with me, I ask you respect MY conviction and beliefs.
On Monday I went down to the hospital and found out that my down payment had been paid for by the local church of my sub-culture. Not only had they paid for the treatment but they paid for everything. EVERYTHING meaning that we would be staying for the entire 6 week treatment.
WAIT! THERE IS MORE!
They paid for 35 days in an apartment...ON THE BEACH. No phone or anything, but it is fully furnished. Light, gas and water is also paid in full for a full month.
WAIT! YES! THERE IS MORE!
They also gave us a $1000 gift card for a grocery store/gas station.
I couldn't stop crying! I AM COMPLETELY AWED BY THIS COMMUNITIES KINDNESS!
SO...the update. We are here for another 3 weeks. My son is doing AWESOME! and we are all doing well down here. We miss home but it is a pay-off for each of us to see how my son is doing.
Thank you guys once again for your continued support and extended friendship!
Pretty cool stuff, and I could almost use this as an example of why I believe organized religion is still a good thing (or that it has its uses at least).
As the skeptic, there are a few things I see in her post that bug me, although I would never in a million years want to diminish from her happiness by stating it in her presence. I will take the subject up here away from prying eyes though, and analyze my own feelings on the subject.
So first of all, I just can't see God's hand anywhere in this. I think it's awesome that she got the help ...it could not in ANY WAY have gone to a more wonderful person who was more deserving of the help. Let's face it though, this story tells a lot about the wonderfully giving nature that people are capable of ...and I don't mean to sound like an ass, but I not only don't see God anywhere in it; I see it more as a fluke than anything else.
Tell me for one second that if the pastor and/or committee holding the purse strings on this church board knew about her blog on AFF, and they were STILL this generous with her, then I might be a little bit impressed. I don't think it takes much of a leap to guess that if one of the Church folks "heard from a friend" about her blog site that the zeal to help their fellow man might have turned in another direction.
I just never quite understood the whole "life kicking the fuck out of you" ...but then when you catch that one well-deserved break, that it must somehow be "proof" of god. Forget where God was when all this kicking started,of course.
I really *am* one of those folks who tends to see the glass as half full, but the type of "logic" in using this case as an affirmation of belief really eludes me. If it helps her sleep at night, I'll give her a ride to church every Sunday personally, but it just isn't for me.
I have to admit, over the last 6 years I have heard something over and over that just pisses me off, and it really shows the dichotomy of Christian thought.
I can run into a random person, and they ask about the disability. I really can't tell you how often I get asked how often I pray about it.
I guess you really have to be an atheist to truly comprehend how offensive this can be at times. Sometimes I give a valid answer, but most often I just try to find an excuse to get away. If I had a little less tact, I might sometime like to ask a good Christian man with no legs how many times he's asked God to grow them back for him, then treat him like he's an inferior form of life for not having his legs.
You folks who feel like this is a justified kind of "witnessing" realize that it sounds EXACTLY like that don't you?!
When I was in my first couple of years with this, I can't count the number of people who I was in close contact with all the time who praised me on how strong my faith must have been to be dealing with my disability with such grace. I'm fairly used to the absolutely dumbfounded stares when I tell them I'm an atheist. It doesn't happen VERY often, but every now and then the exact same person praising me for the "faith" has swapped over to the "have you ever thought this may be a punishment" line of "reasoning."
One of these days I should ask if they ever thought it might be a punishment that god made them such a fucking clueless retard!?
What is really sad is they don't have a fucking CLUE what an idiot they sound like when they say it. Another one that happened to me once was a person (who I had know for quite some time) that assumed that I must have lost faith because of the disability. And yet again I would get the blank stare when I told them I had been atheist since the mid-80's.
You see, I seldom wear atheism on my sleeve and it will almost never come up in regular conversation with me ...I honestly just don't like the hassle of talking to Christians about it. They invariably decide they want to be some kind of "witness" and will ask questions, but then become utterly offended and often feign "persecution" if I actually answer them when they are the ones who brought it up in the first place!!!!
This can be a real fucking bitch for a strong Christian, because I am a hard peg to pound into their narrow little view of what atheists MUST be like. ...and they never fail to be completely offensive in trying to find a way to worm me back into their view of the world, while being utterly clueless to just HOW offensive they are being in trying to do it. I was on a multi-faith message board a while back looking at a thread about Messianic Jews; the Christian posters just couldn't fathom why in the world the Jewish posters were being offended when they said a Messianic Jew was merely a "completed" Jew.
And so ...here I write. I've got way too much respect for Karma to bring this up with her or on her blog (not to mention that I'm ecstatic they are taking care of her in such a wonderful way). Now do I really even need wonder if I were to do a blog (well, such as this) stating all the reasons why my own condition serves to confirm my disbelief that I would be given the same respect as Karma in saying to respect her belief even if I disagree?!
In the past I can't even count the number of times I've received that same respect on ONE hand even.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Saturdays...
So I'm relaxing a bit, and coming up a little bit empty handed on what to blog about on AFF today, but I have a few ideas at least. I think I'll just try to warm up here a bit first (I might like this idea, come to think of it).
Amy messaged me telling me how my "I'm in luff" blog really knocked the wind out of her until she saw who I was talking about. I replied that surely she suspected that I would probably be off with the first blond-haired tricycle-riding tramp that crossed my path... lol! It sure makes me sick that she isn't doing well with her hands ...I hope she gives serious thought to some good voice recognition software.
So I hit 39 watchers as of today; I picked up an extremely young British chick who I suspect is not quite what she appears. The pictures she has up certainly aren't her, but at 19 yrs, I figure she'll have quite a few of life's lessons before her. Sweet lil thing though! ...she seemed to dig my sense of humor, but as I said ...I can tell when something is "off" ...I'm just not overly sure what it might be with her.
I remember quite some time ago, I met a gal who I had sooooo much fun talking to ...but I just had that same weird feeling. Well, as it turned out, she was a post-op M2F transexual ...and the "surgery" was done in the late 70's.
I don't think the M2F surgery was much more than just the removal of the penis back then; scary stuff! Not really enough to make me stop talking to her, but plenty to probably take any thoughts of sex off the table (sad but true). The deal-breaker was actually when she gave me her myspace page though. I can deal with a woman being a bit older than me; hell, Linda was 6 years older! I guess up to about 10 years is fine with me, and this gal was 9 years older.
Until I got to Myspace and saw the age dif jump from 9 to 18 years. THAT was just way too much for me, and she disappeared quietly. I find it odd that when she told me about the "little surgery" that I wasn't all that fazed by it ...and she kinda went on about how TG's really get the short end of the stick in the GLBT community, and I'd tend to agree to a certain extent. I just have to wonder if she realized that although the ommision of (original) gender may be a big thing, that some folks probably might have a harder time with the 9 year age thing. I don't think my reaction wouldn't have been a bit different with any other woman either.
It's a shame, but if feel that you have to lie about gender ...and this has GOT to be a toughie for these folks ...then you are going to get burned ...and probably burned a LOT. But if you start piling the lies upon the lies; then you are WELL and truly fucked, and there comes a point when the original gender lie becomes irrelevant. I think that would be called a "self fullfilling prophecy."
I wonder if or when this blog will make it on a google search. The top hit on google for "greaemonkey" is of course my profile and blog on AFF. I was a bit amazed to learn that "greaemonkey" is also some sort of UNIX based application as well.
Yes, when I get bored I google my own screen-names ...and even my own name at times. I've been quite tempted to go ahead and splurge on making my phone unlisted and getting caller ID. To date, I've never been able to find ANY information about the "real me" on a google search (and I don't think that's a bad thing at all), although I've found a few other interesting alter ego's with my name; one a rather publicized felon! WOW!
I assure you that the real me is quite boring.
And my muttifer who is obviously feeling much better today is informing that I need some exercise, so I'm off for now!
Amy messaged me telling me how my "I'm in luff" blog really knocked the wind out of her until she saw who I was talking about. I replied that surely she suspected that I would probably be off with the first blond-haired tricycle-riding tramp that crossed my path... lol! It sure makes me sick that she isn't doing well with her hands ...I hope she gives serious thought to some good voice recognition software.
So I hit 39 watchers as of today; I picked up an extremely young British chick who I suspect is not quite what she appears. The pictures she has up certainly aren't her, but at 19 yrs, I figure she'll have quite a few of life's lessons before her. Sweet lil thing though! ...she seemed to dig my sense of humor, but as I said ...I can tell when something is "off" ...I'm just not overly sure what it might be with her.
I remember quite some time ago, I met a gal who I had sooooo much fun talking to ...but I just had that same weird feeling. Well, as it turned out, she was a post-op M2F transexual ...and the "surgery" was done in the late 70's.
I don't think the M2F surgery was much more than just the removal of the penis back then; scary stuff! Not really enough to make me stop talking to her, but plenty to probably take any thoughts of sex off the table (sad but true). The deal-breaker was actually when she gave me her myspace page though. I can deal with a woman being a bit older than me; hell, Linda was 6 years older! I guess up to about 10 years is fine with me, and this gal was 9 years older.
Until I got to Myspace and saw the age dif jump from 9 to 18 years. THAT was just way too much for me, and she disappeared quietly. I find it odd that when she told me about the "little surgery" that I wasn't all that fazed by it ...and she kinda went on about how TG's really get the short end of the stick in the GLBT community, and I'd tend to agree to a certain extent. I just have to wonder if she realized that although the ommision of (original) gender may be a big thing, that some folks probably might have a harder time with the 9 year age thing. I don't think my reaction wouldn't have been a bit different with any other woman either.
It's a shame, but if feel that you have to lie about gender ...and this has GOT to be a toughie for these folks ...then you are going to get burned ...and probably burned a LOT. But if you start piling the lies upon the lies; then you are WELL and truly fucked, and there comes a point when the original gender lie becomes irrelevant. I think that would be called a "self fullfilling prophecy."
I wonder if or when this blog will make it on a google search. The top hit on google for "greaemonkey" is of course my profile and blog on AFF. I was a bit amazed to learn that "greaemonkey" is also some sort of UNIX based application as well.
Yes, when I get bored I google my own screen-names ...and even my own name at times. I've been quite tempted to go ahead and splurge on making my phone unlisted and getting caller ID. To date, I've never been able to find ANY information about the "real me" on a google search (and I don't think that's a bad thing at all), although I've found a few other interesting alter ego's with my name; one a rather publicized felon! WOW!
I assure you that the real me is quite boring.
And my muttifer who is obviously feeling much better today is informing that I need some exercise, so I'm off for now!
Friday, August 1, 2008
yet another use for the new blog
It seems somehow rude to diss other members on AFF, so perhaps here away from all the prying eyes, I can poke a little bit of fun.
This gal goes on a few rants in her blog about people who don't like her for who she is (fair enough, I've been there)
But then she has the "bling" doo-dad stating that "I piss off stupid people"
this is awesome, it really is:
1)Ok , I am through ranting. Deal with it and accept me as I am or find someone else to want.
2)NOW , DON'T YOU CUM HERE AND STILL MY IDEAL. CUZ IF YOU DO , THE SHIT WILL HIT THE FAN. ALL MY STORIES AND IDEALS ARE COPYRIGHTED BY ME : MS. LINDA FISHER OF OKLA.CITY . OK
...and lastly
3)Ever feel like someone your with is slowly pulling away from you ? It's like your emails are smaller and phone calls are cut short for some reason or another or they are less and farther apart ?
I am feeling that way now. Its sad cuz I really care about him and I am not seeing anyone else right now. I just wished I knew what was wrong.
He knows I all his deep down inside but its his choice not to let me come and spend time with him. Its his choice not to come to me.
Oh well , gonna give him another month. And if he doesnt start spending more time with me. Its gonna be over , take a few weeks to get over him. And find me a local lover whom will show me that he wants me and give him all my passion , want and desire..
Well, if she is going to keep overusing her "I piss off stupid people" bling-thingie, then perhaps she should start looking at the fact that she really doesn't do much for (arguably) smarter ones either!
I have a good "ideal" that she wouldn't want to hear that though...
This gal goes on a few rants in her blog about people who don't like her for who she is (fair enough, I've been there)
But then she has the "bling" doo-dad stating that "I piss off stupid people"
this is awesome, it really is:
1)Ok , I am through ranting. Deal with it and accept me as I am or find someone else to want.
2)NOW , DON'T YOU CUM HERE AND STILL MY IDEAL. CUZ IF YOU DO , THE SHIT WILL HIT THE FAN. ALL MY STORIES AND IDEALS ARE COPYRIGHTED BY ME : MS. LINDA FISHER OF OKLA.CITY . OK
...and lastly
3)Ever feel like someone your with is slowly pulling away from you ? It's like your emails are smaller and phone calls are cut short for some reason or another or they are less and farther apart ?
I am feeling that way now. Its sad cuz I really care about him and I am not seeing anyone else right now. I just wished I knew what was wrong.
He knows I all his deep down inside but its his choice not to let me come and spend time with him. Its his choice not to come to me.
Oh well , gonna give him another month. And if he doesnt start spending more time with me. Its gonna be over , take a few weeks to get over him. And find me a local lover whom will show me that he wants me and give him all my passion , want and desire..
Well, if she is going to keep overusing her "I piss off stupid people" bling-thingie, then perhaps she should start looking at the fact that she really doesn't do much for (arguably) smarter ones either!
I have a good "ideal" that she wouldn't want to hear that though...
more Friday night bliss
So it's almost midnight, and I really need to just go to bed, but I appear to be totally addicted to my blog over at AFF. A certain Swedish chick made up a profile with a picture I found to be just too fucking hysterical; a transsexual in a Supergirl outfit riding a tricycle. I dropped her an e-mail DEMANDING that she put me on her watch list (I said in my blog that 90 year old Trannys in superman outfits while riding tricycles were almost REQUIRED to sign on in my blog), and she readily complied! Africa's BF left me a freaking hysterical comment about being jealous that I got to her first!
I think blogging may well be a bit of a subculture; it certainly is on the "closed" sites.
Other news ...I really fucked up yesterday and bought cigarettes after having a few too many beers with Seb. I managed to smoke the whole pack yesterday evening and have been right back to the crawling up the walls kinda cravings again today. I think that is one of the big reasons I slept so frickin much today. I guess I'm just going to have to keep away from the booze for a while ...it just really kicks those cravings in SO hard.
According to my older brother, the hardest cravings hit after 30 days, 90 days, a year, and a year and a half. At least, it did for him. I don't know ...I have to get a handle back on it though; I really can't afford this on SO many levels.
This blog could actually be an interesting place to take on a few of the aspects of my life that I've never touched on at AFF. Hell, that I never WILL touch on at AFF.
I grew up with a family that was so utterly obsessed with outer appearances, that we never really even learned how to develop any sort of real identity of our own. It's a bitter irony that after so many years of work to find who *I* was, that now I'm finding myself repeating that behavior to a certain extent.
Fresh told me once that she thought it was wrong of me to edit out parts of myself on my blog there, and although I knew what she was saying ...I just can't do it. AFF has my funny side for the most part ...once upon a time, OKcupid had religion and politics, ExChristian was an even greater expansion into religion ...and also my first real foray into extensive online writing.
Myspace ...ugh.
As much as I hate to say it; I'd really like to get going again there. I ought to be crossposting like a mad-dog there when I come up with good stuff. But once again ...myspace was stuff that I was cool with my family reading (and it would shock some people what I have absolutely no problem letting my family read ...I read my 75 year-old preacher's wife mother my AFF blogs all the time).
So my e-crush rubens5552 is going out of internet range for the next 10 days or so; I think she's pretty cool so far, although I worry a bit that we may not be on the same page where attachment levels are concerned. She has trouble with her hands and hasn't been able to type much; when I do hear from her, she seems pretty enamored with me; I just don't have a clue how much, and that concerns me a bit. My other e-crush (or would that be e-flirt, confidant, friend? ...something like that) Fresh is back somewhat. ...and she may well have the credit for my having this particular blog too. Ah yes, then there is Sally & Ron and Simon & Joe; my two "couple friends" that live entirely too far away for me to get too close to (although Sally travels to Houston pretty often at least). I have a date on Sunday with Dana from AFF, but that is VERY much a "just friends" kind of thing ...I figure that anyone who tells me flat out that she believes Fox news is the MOST fair of the news networks, may have some trouble with me and vice versa. We'll see. Being that we'll be going to see the new Batman on IMAX, she'll likely be carrying me out in a teacup anyway ...although I've given her a really good idea of what the "worst case" might be like, she doesn't seem put off by it at all though.
Okay ...enough for the night!
I think blogging may well be a bit of a subculture; it certainly is on the "closed" sites.
Other news ...I really fucked up yesterday and bought cigarettes after having a few too many beers with Seb. I managed to smoke the whole pack yesterday evening and have been right back to the crawling up the walls kinda cravings again today. I think that is one of the big reasons I slept so frickin much today. I guess I'm just going to have to keep away from the booze for a while ...it just really kicks those cravings in SO hard.
According to my older brother, the hardest cravings hit after 30 days, 90 days, a year, and a year and a half. At least, it did for him. I don't know ...I have to get a handle back on it though; I really can't afford this on SO many levels.
This blog could actually be an interesting place to take on a few of the aspects of my life that I've never touched on at AFF. Hell, that I never WILL touch on at AFF.
I grew up with a family that was so utterly obsessed with outer appearances, that we never really even learned how to develop any sort of real identity of our own. It's a bitter irony that after so many years of work to find who *I* was, that now I'm finding myself repeating that behavior to a certain extent.
Fresh told me once that she thought it was wrong of me to edit out parts of myself on my blog there, and although I knew what she was saying ...I just can't do it. AFF has my funny side for the most part ...once upon a time, OKcupid had religion and politics, ExChristian was an even greater expansion into religion ...and also my first real foray into extensive online writing.
Myspace ...ugh.
As much as I hate to say it; I'd really like to get going again there. I ought to be crossposting like a mad-dog there when I come up with good stuff. But once again ...myspace was stuff that I was cool with my family reading (and it would shock some people what I have absolutely no problem letting my family read ...I read my 75 year-old preacher's wife mother my AFF blogs all the time).
So my e-crush rubens5552 is going out of internet range for the next 10 days or so; I think she's pretty cool so far, although I worry a bit that we may not be on the same page where attachment levels are concerned. She has trouble with her hands and hasn't been able to type much; when I do hear from her, she seems pretty enamored with me; I just don't have a clue how much, and that concerns me a bit. My other e-crush (or would that be e-flirt, confidant, friend? ...something like that) Fresh is back somewhat. ...and she may well have the credit for my having this particular blog too. Ah yes, then there is Sally & Ron and Simon & Joe; my two "couple friends" that live entirely too far away for me to get too close to (although Sally travels to Houston pretty often at least). I have a date on Sunday with Dana from AFF, but that is VERY much a "just friends" kind of thing ...I figure that anyone who tells me flat out that she believes Fox news is the MOST fair of the news networks, may have some trouble with me and vice versa. We'll see. Being that we'll be going to see the new Batman on IMAX, she'll likely be carrying me out in a teacup anyway ...although I've given her a really good idea of what the "worst case" might be like, she doesn't seem put off by it at all though.
Okay ...enough for the night!
First Blog
So we'll see!
I haven't quite made up my mind how to tackle this sucker, or even if I will indeed tackle this one. I suppose that the URL alone may well be a good way to insure that old friends in other places can find me with a minimal bit of effort though.
Who knows, I may even tackle a few of the things here that I won't take on there. I certainly prefer the idea of being able to imbed URL's and multiple pictures, which is a restriction on the other place I don't much care for.
Time will tell!
I haven't quite made up my mind how to tackle this sucker, or even if I will indeed tackle this one. I suppose that the URL alone may well be a good way to insure that old friends in other places can find me with a minimal bit of effort though.
Who knows, I may even tackle a few of the things here that I won't take on there. I certainly prefer the idea of being able to imbed URL's and multiple pictures, which is a restriction on the other place I don't much care for.
Time will tell!
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