100 ...and sighs matters

*sigh*

Another Saturday night. I managed to consume a bit too much beer last night once again, and even managed to not only fall off the wagon with my quitting smoking ...but rather LEAPT off it into a huge abyss!

I had really thought about going to buy some more beer tonight, but I think I'm just going to quietly smoke the last of this stinking pack and try to be done with it again.

I'm more than a little bit pissed with myself.

So I wrote my 100th post on AFF today. I had really been trying to come up with a list of "things you don't know about me" but can't get past 8 (it really brought home some of my "trust issues" where TMI is concerned as well). My dark mood probably contributed more than a little bit to the post that I wrote. What irks me a bit was that I took a nap, and when I came back to it to see what kind of comments I had ...there was only Laura (sob) and SHE left it right after I wrote it. As I re-read it, I realized that I had come across as pretty prick-ish, so I did a bit of an edit that was a little more in line with the real me without a hangover. MUCH better ...but I noticed a great deal of my watchers had passed by the original without comment.

*another sigh*

c'est la vie I guess; I guess will see if anyone takes pity on me, or re-reads the edited version. I don't think even the pre-edit version was THAT bad, but the silence makes me wonder. I hate it when I have insecurities flare up like this though. *sigh* I've grown a bit TOO accustomed to being the attention whore there ...I DO so love my comments. I guess I'm a bit of a hypocrite with that; I just really have to feel like I'm leaving something memorable in order to leave a comment on other peoples blogs. Gratuitous comments aren't my bag, but I somehow love them from others! ...paradoxical, I know!

So this really hasn't been a sterling week for me. Dad's exceptionally bad days this week have me a little bummed ...the date didn't go so hot on Thursday, I had a troubling new symptom pop up for the first time ...and now the cigarettes. I couldn't even get my ass out of the house to do my grocery shopping today, although I'll probably prefer to do it in the morning anyway so I won't beat myself up about it.

So I may well take a bit of down time for a couple of days. I figure tomorrow I may want to drug myself out if the cravings hit too hard. I think for tonight, I'm going to throw a frozen pizza in the oven and veg out with a few movies though. I'm fairly sure that when I get up in the morning, and it will be a brand new day (probably even a brand new week, but we can't be too sure about those kinds of things).